In Your Own Home: The Safety We Seek
Too many of us know what it’s like to feel unsafe.
We learned that the feeling of uneasiness, of distrust, of worry, of always being on edge, was the norm. We often build our entire lives around a belief that we are always saving ourselves from inevitable bad things, that survival is a full-time job with no room for anything else.
No room to exhale.
No room to rest.
No room to be.
No room for joy.
Only room to survive.
While we do have to reckon with some realities—that the world has many dangers, that pain is a part of life, that protection is a part of our every moment—there are other realities we forget about.
We forget that safety is possible, too.
Safety has become tainted with absolutes lately. We hear things like, “I can’t call this a safe space because I can’t guarantee your safety,” as if safety is about guarantees.
Or, we hear that this is a safe place, and continue on to soon discover that it is anything but.
We exist in systems, in families, in romance, in homes, and even in bodies that have given up on safety. Not because it’s not possible, but because we’ve forgotten what it truly means, and we’ve forgotten that we truly deserve it.
Safety is a gravitational pull back to well-being.
Safety may not prevent all pain, but it prioritizes repair.
Safety may not prevent all disappointment, but it seeks consistency as a norm.
Safety may not always be comfortable, but it is always averse to true harm.
Safety is a commitment to our highest good, and we can find it in others and ourselves.
Some of us struggle to trust this because we’ve known betrayal too well. And, much like the other things we missed out on in our past, like intimacy or being seen, we do not have to allow those who failed to keep us safe, stop us from seeking those who do have the capacity to be safe.
We get to learn what it means to be safe, and that starts within. We get to do this first.
We get to give ourselves permission to rest.
We get to listen to and validate ourselves.
We get to speak kindly to ourselves.
We get to forgive ourselves.
We get to set boundaries with and for ourselves.
We get to allow ourselves to be authentic. We get to allow ourselves to be seen.
We get to create the loving, safe home within that we so deeply hope to experience with others.
We are the keepers of our safety, and we use it to find the safe people and spaces outside of us. When we forget our power to co-create safety, we close the door to so much that we need and desire.
I hope you take this time, especially during a time of year that’s all about coziness, slowing down, and beginning again, to revisit the home you live in.
Not just the physical space, but the emotional one that shapes so much of how you feel and function. Because you have the power to make it safe, to keep you safe, in the ways you deserve most.
Listen to Episode 5: What is Safety? to learn more, and remember to subscribe to the Seen Sunday newsletter.
