On Being in Your Body

So many of us never learned what it meant to be in the body, to be safe there, to stay safe there.

Every week, at the end of my Sunday morning yoga class, the instructor asks us to appreciate our bodies.

Appreciate? This body?

Appreciating this body—the same body that’s been rejected, that’s been examined, that’s been hyper-criticized, that’s been carrying pain, that’s been ignored, that just won’t do what I want it to do sometimes—is very, very hard.

But, yes. This body.

When the instructor offers this invitation, at first, I go through a cycle of struggling with the idea of appreciating, let alone loving, this body. And this month especially? I start thinking about the holidays. All the food, and all the judgemental family and pressure from seeing old friends, and my shoulders tighten as my spirit shrinks.

Then, I breathe.

Those emotions belong to all the relational woundings that lead to body-hate along the way.

   To the family members who made the mean comments at just the right times. 

   To the friends and classmates who were judgemental in all the right ways.

   To the coaches and athletic spaces that taught restriction and overexertion so convincingly.

   To the partners who create enough doubt and anxiety and sometimes harm at all the right moments.

And if we’re being honest, not even those people deserve all the smoke.

   This anger is deserved by the systems that upheld one beauty standard, and tarnished another.

That’s what taught us to dissociate, to disown, to dispossess ourselves and our bodies—and then help others do the same. That’s why we struggle to reach the trauma that we carry in our bodies. That’s why we struggle to trust our bodies. That’s why we struggle to feel safe in our own bodies. 

And so, we leave.

We leave ourselves behind, we learn how to “be”, beyond the self and outside the body. And we wonder why we never quite feel right, never truly calm our anxieties, never really achieve true rest.

So many of us can’t access the body we need to process and platform our healing. We look to our minds to heal when the key to healing lives in our bodies.

   The rejection lives in our shoulders.

    The pain in our hips.

    The fear in our chest.

   The grief in our tummies.

If this is you, I see you. So many of us never learned what it meant to be in the body, to be safe there, to stay safe there.

I wish that for us. 

    It might seem small to trust and advocate for yourself during Thanksgiving dinner, but that is radical reclamation.

    It might seem small to wear a bright color, but that is radical vulnerability.

It might seem small to let yourself nap, but that is radical body care.

    It might seem small to allow yourself to explore pleasure, but that is radical self-love.

    It might seem small to just say thank you to your body, but that is radical healing.

So, much like the end of my yoga class, I invite you today to appreciate your body. 

Even if there is still rage, if there are still tears, if there is still discomfort, if there’s still a long way to go, we can start with appreciation. We can thank the body that has carried us through all the pain and joy, the rain and the sun, the good and the bad.

She’s been there all along, working to keep you safe, even when it didn’t feel like it.

And saying thank you, seeing the body for who She is, is your baby step forward to repair and feeling safe in your own home.