The visibility wound & the fear of being seen

To the Black girl who learned that being seen wasn’t safe, I see you.

Let’s cut to the chase—you have a visibility wound.

In the world of core beliefs, you might understand how the story goes: you were hurt in a way that stayed with you for the long haul.

Maybe someone left when you needed them most, so you now believe I am alone.

Maybe someone criticized you when you needed validation, so you now think I am not enough.

We even give names to who, where, and how we got hurt:

The mother wound.

The father wound.

The abandonment and rejection wounds.

But we don’t always think about our pain in terms of the Visibility Wound.

It’s the wound that taught us that being seen is unsafe. It taught us that being ourselves, speaking up, acknowledging our needs, or even being perceived was dangerous.

In some ways, this meant we were in literal, physical danger. 

In other ways, it meant we were at risk of being emotionally harmed, rejected, ridiculed, or even abandoned.

We learned that our needs overwhelm others, that our voice makes other people upset, our bodies are not worthy of being cared for, and so many other stories that taught us to go into hiding.

This is why we start playing small, we shrink our voices, we disown our needs, and we dissociate from our feelings.

It was easier this way.

It was quieter this way.

It was safer this way.

But, this was survival. These ways of hiding, of living unseen, were a part of survival strategies.

What if we held this truth: that we are safe to put the survival strategies down now?

What if being seen is not only safe, but it is also how we heal?

Take a listen to Episode 2: The Fear of Being Seen, to learn more about how we can finally step into our power and show up fully, that we are the key to the healing we’ve been seeking so that feeling seen can finally feel safe.

Remember, baby steps. Just by being here, by being curious about how things can be different, you are healing. If this feels far away for you, I trust that you can get “there”. One day, one breath, one step at time. 

As always, don’t forget to check-in with yourself: How are you allowing yourself to be seen this week? You deserve it. 

I see you,

Kay 🤎